Reviews
Jupiter Ascending | Review
Space Princess Diaries: Wachowski’s Space Adventure is Intergalactic Hooey
Earth is a blue collar player in a universe dictated by a greater oligarchy currently controlled by a trio of unruly, immortal siblings. A lowly Chicago maid of mixed Russian descent, Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis) gets wrapped up in universal politics when it is discovered that she is the exact genetic make-up of a deceased intergalactic matriarch, whose children have inherited the universe from her in three varyingly discordant chunks. There’s Kalique (Tuppence Middleton), playboy brother Titus (Douglas Booth), and evil elder Balem (Eddie Redmayne). Earth belongs to the elder Balem, ever since his mother was murdered, a planet that mines humans for a life-giving elixir that keeps them young. Due to the over expansive population of the blue planet, Balem hopes to harvest it quite soon. But, there was a catch in mother’s will concerning her future lives, and since Jupiter is basically her reincarnation, law dictates she is the new ruler of Earth. Balem orders her to be killed, but in a bid to gain control over his brother, Titus sends Caine Wise (Channing Tatum), a half human half wolf creature, to save her. This sets off a chain of events that eventually finds Caine and Jupiter developing feelings for one another.
Kunis’ inanely named Jupiter Jones, eliciting laughs whenever her alliterative moniker is uttered, is basically a space age Cinderella, a pawn in a cosmic scheme of class wars between the haves and have-nots. Whereas they were once the authors of several gender defying characters, the Wachowskis’ Jupiter is aggravatingly passive, and she’s basically volleyed between controlling forces, only to be saved, on more than one occasion, at the very last minute before making an irreparable mistake.
Moments of flat humor abound between cringe inducing dialogue (“Call me Jupe,” she cheerily advises). An early action sequence featuring Tatum skating across the Chicago skyline amidst crashing skyscrapers does manage to be energetic and even dazzle with its scope, but we’re treated to several more of these, which play out in the exact same fashion. Kunis does her cutesy, earthly best, and while she’s less distracting than in some other studio features, this is a thankless, often demeaning role.
Tatum has little to do other be gruff as he peeks out from under his ridiculous costume design, while a multitude of varying supporting characters feel as if they’ve been designed out of a desperation to equal a Star Wars-like milieu, such as a bit part played by Terry Gilliam, or the silly looking protuberant ears of Gugu Mbatha-Raw. Of course, it’s the over-the-top Eddie Redmayne that scores the most laughs, employing a reptilian whisper when he isn’t cascading into the type of villainous hysterics we would expect from Faye Dunaway. Clocking in at over two hours, Jupiter Ascending isn’t the god-awful equivalent of famed misfires like Dune (1984) or even John Carter (2012). But it’s a woeful disappointment from a pair of filmmakers whose narrative strengths used to be on par with their visual interests.
★★/☆☆☆☆☆