Please don’t feed the Leto

“Down Goes Lennon, Down Goes Lennon”… Do you remember where YOU were when John Lennon was murdered? I might have been only 3 years old at the time but I was consoling a frazzled Joan Jett during late night phone calls over the suicide overdose of Darby Crash. Pop quiz: Whose other death was overshadowed by a more popular celebrity? That’s right, Elvis Presley beat out Groucho Marx. Well, phooey to him.

So Mark David Chapman wins. Isn’t this what he wanted? Be famous. Or infamous. Well, there you have it. Not only did The Cranberries write a song bout him back in 1996 aptly called “I Just Shot John Lennon”, but now there’s a movie about his heinous exploit called Chapter 27. He might be rotting in jail, getting his ass severely pounded by a crew of Lennon fans, but underneath all that painful bloody clenching lies an even bloodier smile of victory.

I can’t quite make out the details in those pictures, and I’ll pretend I didn’t read it somewhere else, but is that a copy of Catcher in the Rye and a photo of John and that band-wrecker Yoko? What a crafty attention to detail. I’ll admit, Jared Leto eerily resembles the convicted murderer, but then again make any actor gain a few pounds (even Tom Wopat) and you have a match. Not so pretty now, eh, fat boy? Oh wait, isn’t he banging Lindsay Lohan? Curses…

I dunno about you but I’m more eager to find out who’s gonna play Howard Cosell, not John Lennon. So what have we learned from this whole debacle? That’s right, never get your picture taken for Rolling Stone magazine, or you will get shot by a crazed fan the very same day.

He looks like he’s contemplating whether or not he should eat the table.

How long did it take for Stallone to lose all that weight? Like, a million years?

Planning a useless murder is such demanding work.