Yohei Fukada is no Ryuhei Kitamura – that was my immediate reaction following a viewing of Chanbara Beauty. Fukada, who started out as a D.P. on schlocky J-horror films, makes his directorial debut in this no budget horror/actioner based on a videogame series. Another in a long line of hot chick swordplay flicks (perfected by Kitamura in Azumi), the film stars waifish sexpot Eri Otoguro as Aya (I so want to say titular here!), an orphaned swordswoman with a bikini and cowboy-hat fetish who prefers to let her blade do the talking. Her’s is a world overrun by zombies of the 28 Days Later variety which she seeks to vanquish one slice at a time. Accompanied by a motley crew of survivors including a dimwitted sidekick and a gun-toting vixen named Reiko (Manami Hashimoto), they set their sights on stopping Sugita, the mad scientist responsible for the undead plague.
The film succeeds in the near impossible: making a preposterous action flick with hot women neither exciting nor entertaining. The action scenes are about as poorly executed as ‘50s porn, often devolving into a swirling mess of cheap effects work. Otoguro never achieves the level of badass gravitas that is required in a role like this, instead looking rather demure throughout. Barely a guilty pleasure, Chanbara Beauty leaves your action itch unscratched and your libido unsatisfied. Of course one look at the poster below and I’m sure most of you will be sold on seeing it anyway…and I wouldn’t blame you!
