Trailer Trash: Shut Up and Sing!

Shut Up and Sing! – The Weinstein Co.

Check out the trailer here.

The Dixie Chicks, who ruined my life back in 1998 with their infectiously catchy “There’s Your Trouble”, are now starring in my favorite albeit overly-done documentary genre – the one proving to us over and over again beyond the shadow of a doubt that President Bush takes a healthy daily dose prescription of retard pills. They defy the grand and mighty Bush in this film documenting the fallout after the Dixie Chicks’ front girl Natalie (the dwarf-y chubby one) opinionated an inappropriate comment about Bush during one of their concerts a few years back, with hilarious ensuing results such as plummeting album sales, no radio play and minor death threats.

I’m really getting my fill of trailers with south-Americans creeping the holy crap outta me. ‘The war couldn’t be going better.’ Spoken like a true politician. Feels like a PTA meeting and the teacher is telling the Chicks to not be so hard on their son (in this instance, Bush) ‘cuz he’s “doing quite well in spite of still not having figured out the intricate complexity of a doorknob. Very popular among his classmates. Strong candidate for class president. With proper illegal funding.”

Whatever happened to “Let me introduce you to the band” or “It’s great playing in Nunavut” or “I wrote this song after watching my dog lick his genitals on the front porch for 2 straight hours”?

Were they really the top-selling female band of all-time? Wait for me as I go burn my Bangles poster in utter anger. Damn you for lying to me, Susanna Hoffs!… as smokingly hot as you may still be in your old age…

You know you’re in some deep doo-doo when the Red Cross won’t accept your million dollar donation. That’s like the retarded version of being black and having Bill Cosby calling you to say you’re a bad influence on the black community… oh I’m sorry, how inappropriate of me, I meant to say ‘more retarded…’

Heh heh… ‘Lewis’…

There’s a Dixie Chicks CD bonfire? Awesome! Oh wait, it’s not because they make gut-wrenchingly horrible music? They’re actually making sense? Deport them anyways! Off with their heads! (Except Emily, the sister without the chin-as-big-as-Alberta thing going on… the hot one by default basically).

I’ve had a death-threat before, and that was just for singing in the shower. Looking back, I probably shouldn’t have broken into my neighbor’s apartment to take a shower… Engelbert Humperdinck fan he was not…

Saddam’s Angels. Make it a sitcom where Saddam has a cute puppy with a British accent as his right-hand man barking lines such as “Well I never” and I’m an instant fan.

So they go through Clint Eastwood, Lee Van Cleef and Eli Wallach together? Get down from your high horse, Chick-y, and don’t ever speak of the classics in such a blasphemous way again or the ghost of Sergio Leone will have you spaghettied and feed you to Bush himself.

Whoah! Whoah! What did the chubby dwarf say about Bush again? She got cut off! She was calling him something else! Boy, she’s quite the pistol, isn’t she? Maybe she has tourette’s…

According to www.allmusic.com the Chicks’ music styles are country-pop, contemporary country, neo-traditionalist country and progressive bluegrass, anything BUT simple bluegrass… get your facts straight, honky…

I’m a sucker for documentaries, and this non-issue topic will be no different in honky-tonk-ing my ass into theatres. Like the redneck says: “Freedom of speech is fine, but you don’t do it in mass public.” Truer words have never been spoken.

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