The Batman: The Complete Fifth Season | DVD Review

My live-in partner watched these episodes before I could get my grubby little mits on them and reiterated his long-standing disdain on why Superman’s secret identity is the worst suspension of any disbelief attributed to the most popular superhero ever thus making him the worst character in history. I have to admit I can’t completely disagree, especially when they come up with “realistic” ways for other characters to piece together, but not the ones for whom it would seem the most obvious. After they meet for the first time, Superman immediately uses his X-Ray vision to figure out Bats’ secret identity, with a little cancer on the side, and what does Batman do? The World’s Greatest Detective figures out that Superman and Clark Kent are one and the same by tracking his supersonic disturbances straight to his apartment door. D’uh. Take THAT Lois Dud, Star Shme-porter. They really shoot themselves in the foot with these little storylines, are we to assume Lex Luthor doesn’t have the brains or technology to accomplish the same? Apparently.

But I’m getting ahead of myself, let’s catch up: the story begins with Superman appearing in Gotham to hand over a welfare check to the city, then Metallo shows up to give him an old-fashion beatdown. Borrowing a scene straight out of Superman III, the fight ends up in a junkyard and with the help of Batman, Metallo meets his end in the car crusher. Black Mask and Clayface proceed to kidnap Lois Lane and Supes is none too pleased as he flies off to the rescue, ending up face-to-face with Lex Luthor and an imprisoned Poison Ivy. This part shows us why Superman is officially the biggest dope in history as he takes a whiff of a vial containing poison that Lex just sticks under his nose; “Lex is right,” he probably thinks to himself, “Poison Ivy’s mind-controlling magic pixie dust couldn’t possibly hurt me, I’ll just let him open that potentially dangerous-yet-colorful mist right in front of me and let my impenetrable skin do all the work ‘cuz the writers are such lazy bast—ZOUNDS! It’s laced with Kryptonite! Foiled again…” I know Poison Ivy pulled the same stunt in the “Hush” story arc in the comic books, but I forget how, and that’s neither here nor there anyways, this is just idiotic.

For the 3rd time in what seems as many hours, Batman comes to the Big Blue Boy Scout’s rescue. And again, ripped out of “Hush”, Batman uses a piece of Kryptonite to hold his own against the Big Guy. After donning a new suit created by Lucius Fox (what stellar timing Lucius, thanks!) Batman & Robin try their darndest to stall Superman while the effects of Poison Ivy’s mind-controlling plant spores wear off. I won’t ruin how they actually pull it off, but I think you’ll be homo-erotically surprised.

After Superman regains his senses and cleans off his running mascara, the World’s Finest step in to put an end to Luthor’s plans of whatever-the-hell-it-is-he-was-trying-to-accomplish-this-time, but basically Superman goes up against an army of robots, and I guess it looks kind of awesome. Cool as a cucumber, Batman throws a batarang specifically designed to stop Lex Luthor in a giant robot suit (exact fine print on Batarang) and the day is saved! Batman invites Superman to join his ball club and they become the best of pals, while Robin is left sobbing in the corner rocking back and forth on his tail bone.

The character designs for this series are often way too angular, but the animation is crisper than I had anticipated, much nicer than most episodes of the Bruce Timm-produced series of yonder, yet still not the best it could be. Fortunately I didn’t have to be reminded by how ghastly the new looks for Catwoman, Joker and Penguin are since they don’t appear in these episodes, but I did enjoy Clayface’s classic look and Poison Ivy’s slightly updated (if barely legal-looking) appearance. And holy crap is this music god-awful! Every time something dramatic happens we get treated to the cringe-worthiest guitar riff this side of the Mississippi: “Twing-Ta-Twang-Twang-Twang…”.

JOINING FORCES: THE BATMAN’S LEGENDARY TEAM-UPS
What is it about loners that lends them to such great team-ups? Is it because we like to see them out of their element and thrown into a setting so completely alien to them in which we know they’ll adapt to so perfectly in spite of their solitary nature? 2 of our most iconic brooding/fancy-free superheroes, Batman and Spider-Man, have had the most enduring and memorable super-friends in funnybook history. Spider-Man has had unforgettable team-ups yet has still managed over the years to stay just out of reach of being a full-fledged member of any official Marvel team (up until recently in New Avengers, a team he was originally only a reserve member of). So Batman seems like the one who adapts more easily as a team player, having been part of the Justice League, leading The Outsiders, starring in The Brave & The Bold and World’s Finest w/ Superman, and most importantly having a sidekick like Robin, which in itself was almost a contradiction in terms of his character very early on in his career, whereas on the surface Spider-Man would seem to conform more easily to teams because of his joking nature. Who would you honestly rather hang out with, Spidey or Bats? If your answer is Batman then there’s really no amount of professional help that can save you. Unfortunately this little documentary offers little to no insight into Batman’s team-up world, instead focusing on superfluous details and fanboy giddyness at finally introducing Superman into the series.

THE BATMAN: JUSTICE LEAGUE PROFILES
Explaining how Green Arrow is just a Batman knock-off with arrows in lieu of batarangs, and gushing over characters like The Flash and Mirror Master, the producers explain the inclusion of the different members of The Justice League into the series. The producers extrapolate on Superman’s more reserved nature that Bruce Timm introduced in the Superman animated series from the late 1990’s and make him the snobby one instead of Batman, who seems more keen on the idea of superhero slumber parties.
Character designer Jose Lopez goes on and on and on and on about how he wanted to stay true to the original versions of the superheroes in re-designing them for the series. You’re a purist, we effin’ get it. (*Fun drinking game: everytime this brace-laced overgrown nerd says the words “I wanted to stay true to..” down a shot of warm urine, preferably your own, and punch yourself in the pancreas, because you were about due for a little smacking around anyways).

This series is just full of big ol’ dopes; I started watching the “Lost Heroes” 2-part episode where we find Green Arrow and The Flash defeating the Mirror Master, and after doing so The Flash uncovers some barrels emitting some strange gas. Not only does he lean right into the vapors and utters the words “I don’t know what kinda gas it is…” (“…I might as well just breathe it in.” should’ve been his next line) but the Fastest Man Alive doesn’t even run away or create a funnel to evaporate the gas, so he gets nocked out cold and dragged away like the roadkill he deserves to be! At this point I turned off the show and popped in The Super Friends cartoon, a time when lazy writing was not only the fashion but also expected, with groovy sound effects to boot. Though largely flawed, The Batman remains a somewhat entertaining series.

Movie rating – 2.5

Disc Rating – 2